A good friend of mine recently asked me a question about dating. I have posted her question exactly as she wrote it to me:
"So I'm writing down some Christian guidelines for myself in courtship and I realized that I have ABSOLUTELY no idea! Lol. I know everyone is different and I believe the Lord has been leading me to do this now before courtship begins. I've never done this relationship thing God's way before, and just wanted to reach out to you to see what were some guidelines in your courtship with your now hubby that you set in place that kept you from temptation and slipping into sin. Both the little and the big! (Ex: no kissing...no texting or visits after a certain time..) Thanks bunches :)"
Immediately, I thought this was a great question. There are so many of us out there that want to do things the right way, but we just need a little more direction than what we have. We have our scriptures to read, and sermons from the minister, but it's always nice to have the perspective of someone who walked the same road we are on. Here is my response to this question.
When my husband, Karlos, and I first started "hanging out," we both knew we didn't want to waste any time on a dead end relationship. So we made the decision to pray and seek the will of God as we continued to learn each other. We were both still waiting for our spouses before being involved in sexual activity, and that was something that we were in agreement on. No sex before marriage. No compromising. It is imperative to relay this choice to someone you are in a relationship with. If they don't have the same beliefs, morals, and values, chances are the relationship will crumble before it even begins.
Showing affection in ways of hugging and kissing might be my favorite acts, but as girlfriend and boyfriend, Karlos and I thought it would be best to restrict some of these interactions. We only kissed on the lips, nothing extra. We hugged and cuddled, at times, but rarely did we lay on the bed, and spending the night at each other's house was absolutely out of the question. Not on the floor, on the couch, and definitely not the bedroom. As often tempted as we were, we simply knew we could not afford to turn a "one time thing" into a habitual action that may or may not have lead us down a path we wanted to save until we said 'I Do.'
As I pondered what other things I deemed important in Christian dating, I thought about how often Karlos came into my bedroom while we were dating, and it was only once or twice.This may not seem like a biggie, but I think subconsciously it may have played a vital role in helping us stay saved. He was very respectful of me and my body while we were dating, and I never wore anything provocative or enticing to try and seduce him. Respect of one another, and clarity of your dating purpose are critical in helping you stay on track.
The final thing I'd like to submit as being key to keeping it G, is monitoring your eye and ear gates. Movies with sex scenes, or nudity is something we still avoid to this day. Just a few seconds of seeing something like this can have your imagination running wild. This will not aid in trying to keep your thought life righteous, and music can trigger so many old memories. You don't want to revive your past because we know that in Christ we are a new creation.
As you begin this journey of dating God's way, remember this road has been traveled before. Being respectful of your significant other physically and spiritually will carry much more weight in a relationship than being sexually active with them. Know who you are in him, and be confident that you are a new creation in him. You can do this, no matter what your body or your mind tells you.
xoxo
Brittany
